Another Lesson Learned...

...From music. Yeah, I know. Guess that's just sorta typical me. But here it is anyway.

It was one of those days. One of those days where the morning, afternoon, and evening all look the same: gray. No matter how long you search the bleak sky, you can't find the sun. You can't even pick out a cloud. Its just flat. Desolate.
At least, that's how I thought about it, as I narrated my day to myself from the passenger seat. A day when you get lost in yourself. In light of recent events, that was even easier than usual.
'Recent events'- coming to grips with the fact that, for the first time in my short fourteen years, I was going to be saying goodbye to a whole lotta people, one of which I just might... love? Haha, that's a strong word... maybe we should say one of which I might love sooner or later. The sorta friend you never want to say goodbye to. Well anyway, I'd be saying goodbye to all of them in... 2 months. Wondering if all the stuff I had tried to do was just wasted time.
What scared me the most is that I couldn't even get myself to care. I just sat there, counting each breath that fogged the cool window. And quietly- so quietly- I fell farther and farther from all I knew, all I loved, all I hated. And like the sky above, all was gray, flat, quiet apathy.

But that isn't how this story ends.

A familiar beat caught my attention, flowing quietly from the radio. I blinked, and listened, trying to remember the song. I soon did. The opening lines of You Are More, by Tenth Avenue North, played, and I smiled grimly. "There's a girl in the corner, with tear stains on her eyes, from the places she's wandered, and the shame she can't hide..." I may not be a girl, but that pretty much described it. Tearstains? Check. Wandered? Mhm. Shamed? Of course. Lost? Yeah. I glanced at the bleak sky. Thanks God, for reminding me. Before I turned back to my silent self-pity, though, something caught my eye. A piece of gray that wasn't quite right... almost... golden. This time, my smile was genuine. Maybe you can find the sun. I watched as the clouds slowly parted, You Are More ringing in my ears, each chorus strengthening my tentative grin. And then, God did something amazing. The song reached a crescendo, and I listened, stunned, as the singer screamed, "This is not about what you've done, but whats been done for you... This is not about where you've been, but where your brokenness brings you to... This is not about what you feel, but what he felt to forgive you..." Then, I remembered, and, with a shaky and cracked voice, mouthed the last words. "...And what he felt to make you love."

So there, in the passenger seat, on a busy road, as the sun broke through the twilight, I finally got it. Not everything. But enough. I had wrestled with the fact that everything I had been doing since last September had been a waste. Practically falling over when I first saw her. Getting up the courage to first talk to her. Doing my best to know her, to understand her. And then... knowing I won't see her again after a few short weeks. Why... how could God put me through all that? Put her in my life, just so He could take her away? But he had a reason. It wasn't about how I felt. It had never been. It was about what God was doing, that fateful day in September. What HE felt, to make me love. And as I looked back, I saw how I had changed. How I had learned to sacrifice. To listen. To love. With all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Some skills that, apparently God thought I'd be needing, before this crazy ride is over. It wasn't pointless.
Knowing her will never be pointless. Because maybe, just maybe, she's taught me some things I will never forget.