His Children

Life hurts. Life hurts a lot. And though I realize just how much of an understatement that is, I don't know how to convey the fear, bitterness, sadness, and loneliness that tears up every heart and mind on planet earth. It only makes sense to look around us, see our world falling down, and wonder how an all-powerful, loving God could care. When evil and sadness rip into our lives, separating families, breaking spirits, scarring children, and ending lives, God's love seems impossible. Why doesn't he stop the pain? How could he even allow it to exist? These questions have destroyed the faith of many. Lately, I've been asking the same questions- living mechanically, and refusing to allow myself to think about the pain. I knew that if I thought about it too hard, I'd realize it wasn't a dream- and I wouldn't be waking up any time soon. Putting on crooked smiles and false fronts around those I loved seemed a small price to pay to avoid the pain. I don't know where a life like this would have led me, except that it certainly wouldn't be good. But all that changed. You see, last night, I slept in the hands of God.

Allow me to explain. Last Sunday, God made His first move. Arriving at church, we discovered that our pastor would be speaking- of all things- on why God allows pain in this world, a fitting topic. However, little of at least the first half of the sermon pierced the fog in my mind. But God made sure I heard what I needed to: let me describe my pastor's analogy as best I can:

When a small child is hurt, a dad can do one of two things. The first option is for the parent to set the baby down, look it in the eye, and begin to calmly explain what happened, and why it happened. Usually this doesn't get very far. The father's second option is to pickup the crying infant, holding it tight, whispering, "Don't worry. Daddy's got you. Daddy loves you." The child, though still not understanding what happened or why it had to happen, is rapidly calmed, knowing they were in their father's arms. We are God's children. When darkness falls, and we cannot fathom how God could let it happen, He has reasons. But our minds could never understand or comprehend his perfect plan. So instead, God holds us in our dark days, He carries us through the pain, all the while reminding us, "Don't worry. Daddy's got you. Daddy loves you." We can't understand the reasons, so instead, He holds us.

Last night, I experienced this. I had been wrestling with my feelings all day, and when night fell, I cried out to God. Now, you may have heard this phrase many times before, but don't worry, it really isn't anything too metaphysical- I literally screamed to God. Not with my mouth, but with my mind. And the tears fell. And I wasn't sure if they would ever stop, if they ever SHOULD stop. I totally fell apart. But when I cried out to God, He heard. And I heard, in my mind, through the chaos, as surely as I'm typing now, "I LOVE you." Now it wasn't a voice really, but instead a thought placed in my mind. But I got the message. And not seconds later my tear-wracked body stopped shaking. My breathing grew steady. And an indescribable sense of warmth and security surrounded me... He was holding me. That was all I had time to realize before I slipped into a quiet sleep.

So for those who encounter pain, suffering, and a world that just doesn't make sense, I want you to know that God offers a peace that transcends ALL understanding. And he carries us when we can go no farther.